Rebuilding Connection: Practical Steps and Mindset Shifts to Save Your Marriage
What steps can I take to save my marriage when my partner and I are growing apart?
Feeling the distance grow in your marriage can be a deeply unsettling experience. However, according to Dr. Lee Baucom, a veteran of marriage therapy and relationship coaching with over 30 years of experience, most relationships are salvageable. He contends that many couples give up too easily instead of finding workable solutions. This blog post draws on Dr. Baucom’s insights and practical steps to help you reconnect and rebuild a stronger marital foundation.
Shifting Your Perspective: From “You and Me” to “WE”
One of the fundamental shifts needed to save a marriage is moving away from an individualistic mindset towards a united partnership. As the MTB 2 blog post highlights, Dr. Baucom identifies a major reason for marital struggles as the failure to build this “WE” mentality. Instead of focusing on “What am I getting?”, begin to prioritize “What would benefit our relationship?”. Think of your marriage as a two-person team where the success of the relationship is the primary goal.
Addressing Neglect and Taking Initiative
Distance in a marriage often isn’t due to malicious intent but rather the result of neglect. Life’s demands can easily push the marriage to the side, but relationships, like plants, need consistent attention to thrive. Take personal responsibility and start making positive changes, regardless of your partner’s initial reaction. Dr. Baucom emphasizes that one partner can begin the process of change and lead the marriage toward healing. Start with small, consistent efforts to reconnect and nurture your bond. Don’t wait for your partner to make the first move.
Communicating to Understand, Not to Win
When conflict arises, shift your focus from arguing your point to truly understanding your partner’s perspective. Dr. Baucom believes that couples in deep crisis need a holistic approach that addresses the emotional underpinnings of the relationship, fostering empathy and connection, rather than just resolving surface-level conflicts. The MTB 2 blog suggests asking, “Help me understand how you see it that way?“. Remember, understanding doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing, but it opens the door for connection.
The Power of Giving and Personal Responsibility
Instead of dwelling on what you feel you’re not receiving, consciously focus on what you can give to the relationship. Offer love, support, and kindness. This shift from “What am I getting?” to “What can I give?” can be transformative. Loving actions can often foster loving feelings. This aligns with a significant aspect of Dr. Baucom’s work: the idea that changing the way individuals think about their marriage can have a profound impact. He encourages couples to move away from blame and resentment towards understanding and personal responsibility. Focus on what you can control—your own behavior, attitudes, and emotional responses—rather than trying to change your partner.
Embracing the Journey of Growth and the “WE” Mentality
Dr. Baucom views marriage as a journey of personal and relational growth. Challenges are not necessarily roadblocks but opportunities to deepen your connection and evolve together. Cultivating a “WE” mentality, where you see yourselves as a unified team prioritizing the relationship’s well-being, is vital for navigating these challenges together. Avoid the “You/Me” trap, a destructive pattern where partners focus on individual gains and losses, keeping a mental “ledger,” which undermines the “WE” and breeds resentment.
The Significance of Small Actions and Gradual Change
Saving a marriage isn’t always about grand gestures but often about consistent, small actions that rebuild connection over time. Light conversations, expressing appreciation, and spending quality time can positively shift the relationship’s momentum. Dr. Baucom’s “Save the Marriage” system offers a comprehensive approach to repairing marriages by understanding these deeper emotional and psychological dynamics. His resources, including books like How to Save Your Marriage in 3 Simple Steps, provide practical steps for rebuilding your relationship.
Dr. Baucom’s work emphasizes relational empowerment, where partners shift from fear or neediness to strength and confidence, fostering a healthier dynamic. This empowerment allows individuals to act from a place of security rather than desperation, which can be transformative for the relationship. His approach, reaching a global audience through online programs and coaching, offers an unconventional counseling alternative that focuses on emotional underpinnings, empathy, and long-term commitment.
Remember, building a stronger marriage requires effort, a shift in perspective, and a commitment to growth. By prioritizing the “WE“, addressing neglect, taking initiative, communicating to understand, and focusing on giving, you can begin to rebuild and strengthen your relationship. As Dr. Baucom suggests, and the MTB 2 blog echoes, change often begins with one person.
