Preparing for a Potential Parting: Indirect Advice for Navigating Divorce
What divorce advice can help me prepare if my marriage ends?
The thought of a marriage ending is undoubtedly difficult. While the resources I’ve been examining primarily focus on strategies to save a marriage, they also contain insights that can indirectly help you prepare if divorce becomes the eventual outcome. It’s important to remember that for specific legal and practical advice regarding divorce, consulting with legal professionals is crucial. However, let’s explore what these sources suggest can be helpful preparation.
One of the most critical initial pieces of advice, even when considering divorce, is to understand the stage of crisis your marriage is in. According to Dr. Baucom’s “Save The Marriage System,” there are eight distinct paths in a marriage crisis, and Module 2 is dedicated to diagnosing this stage. Even if your path leads to separation, understanding how your relationship reached this point and the dynamics at play can provide clarity and potentially help you navigate the divorce process with more awareness. As the sources emphasize, it is entirely possible to do the right thing at the wrong time and cause more problems. Understanding the current dynamics might help you avoid actions that could unnecessarily escalate conflict during a separation.
When a partner indicates they want out, Module 1 of the system is specifically designed to help you avoid the top 5 mistakes people make in this situation. While the intention is to prevent further damage to the chances of reconciliation, being aware of these common pitfalls could also be beneficial if you are preparing for divorce. Making the wrong decisions at this stage could worsen an already difficult situation.
The sources highlight that marriages often fail due to neglect and a lack of attention over time, leading to disconnection. Recognizing this progression in your own marriage might help you understand how things reached this point. Furthermore, the concept of moving from a “You/Me” dynamic to a “WE” is presented as crucial for marital success. If your marriage has remained in or reverted to a “You/Me Trap” where each partner is primarily concerned with what they are getting out of the relationship, this underlying dynamic may have contributed to the potential ending. Understanding this could provide valuable insight as you move forward.
Dr. Baucom stresses the importance of taking action rather than procrastinating and hoping things will work themselves out. If you are facing the potential end of your marriage, this advice translates to actively preparing for that possibility. This might include seeking legal counsel, understanding your financial situation, and gathering necessary documents. The source also mentions that the cost of an average divorce is $30,000, so being financially prepared is a significant aspect.
While the focus is on saving the relationship, the sources discuss concepts like “fair fighting” rules (included as a bonus). Even if your marriage is ending, attempting to communicate with your spouse respectfully and fairly during the separation process, as much as possible, can be beneficial in the long run.
The “Save The Marriage System” also touches on issues like power struggles in relationships and patterns like controlled/controlling and under/overfunctioning. Reflecting on whether these dynamics have been present in your marriage can offer insights into the relationship’s breakdown and potentially help you navigate future relationships differently.
The concept of a relationship’s “North Star” is introduced, suggesting that commitment should be the truest North Star. Reflecting on what you and your spouse viewed as the purpose of your marriage might shed light on why it may be ending, especially if those purposes were “false North Stars” like happiness alone.
Dr. Baucom advises to “Give Up On Arguing” and instead try to understand your partner’s perspective. While this is presented as a way to save a marriage, it could also be a helpful approach during separation negotiations, focusing on understanding each other’s needs and perspectives rather than trying to “win.”
Finally, the sources emphasize that change in a relationship can begin even if only one person is trying. However, they also imply that simply trying to stop a legal process with “trick methods” will likely fail. This suggests that if your spouse is determined to end the marriage, your preparation should likely focus on a constructive path forward rather than solely on preventing the inevitable legal proceedings.
In conclusion, while the primary goal of these sources is marriage preservation, they offer valuable insights into relationship dynamics, communication pitfalls, and the importance of proactive engagement. By understanding these concepts, you can better prepare yourself emotionally and practically for the possibility of your marriage ending. Remember, however, that this information should not replace professional legal and financial advice tailored to your specific situation.
