Navigating Divorce with Children: What to Expect During the Proceedings
What can I expect during divorce proceedings if we have children?
Going through a divorce is a challenging experience, and when children are involved, the complexities and emotional stakes are understandably higher. If you’re facing this situation, understanding what to expect during the divorce proceedings can help you navigate this difficult time with more clarity and preparedness. Drawing on various studies and facts about divorce, here’s an overview of what you might encounter.
Legal Processes and Timeline:
- While the exact legal procedures can vary by state, the divorce process generally involves filing a petition or complaint, serving the other spouse, and potentially engaging in mediation or negotiation.
- It’s important to note that the average first marriage that ends in divorce lasts about 8 years, but the legal proceedings themselves can vary in length depending on the complexity of the case, including disagreements about children.
- January is often considered “divorce month” due to a surge in filings after the holiday season.
Key Issues Involving Children:
When children are part of a divorce, the court’s primary concern is their best interests. This generally revolves around two main areas:
- Child Custody: This encompasses both legal custody (the right to make important decisions about your child’s upbringing, such as education and healthcare) and physical custody (where the child will live primarily).
- 90% of divorced mothers have custody of their children, although this doesn’t preclude co-parenting arrangements where both parents share legal and physical custody.
- Disagreements about custody can prolong the legal process and may involve court-ordered mediation or even evaluations by social workers.
- The source also notes that if you have a daughter, you’re nearly 5 percent more likely to divorce than if you have a son, and this increases with multiple daughters. However, this statistic refers to the likelihood of divorce in general, not necessarily custody outcomes.
- Child Support: This refers to the financial support provided by one or both parents for the child’s needs.
- Over 79 percent of custodial mothers receive a child support award, while just under 30 percent of custodial fathers receive one.
- However, a significant portion of custodial parents do not receive the full amount of child support awarded: 65% of divorced mothers receive no child support, and over 46 percent of non-custodial mothers completely default on child support, compared to only 27 percent of non-custodial fathers.
- Guideline child support calculations exist, often based on factors like each parent’s income and the number of children.
Emotional Impact on Children:
Divorce can have a significant emotional impact on children, and understanding this can help you approach the proceedings and co-parenting relationship with greater sensitivity.
- Half of all children in the United States will witness the ending of a parent’s marriage.
- Children of divorce are 50 percent more likely to marry another child of divorce.
- Studies have shown that daughters of divorced parents have a 60 percent higher divorce rate in their marriages than children of non-divorced parents, while sons have a 35 percent higher rate.
- The divorce rate for couples with children is as much as 40 percent lower than for those without children, suggesting that the presence of children can sometimes be a factor in preserving a marriage, but once divorce proceedings begin, their well-being is paramount.
- When parents are happily married, the risk of divorce of their children decreases by 14 percent. This highlights the importance of a stable parental relationship, whether together or co-parenting effectively after divorce.
Co-Parenting:
- Even after the legal proceedings are finalized, you will likely need to maintain a co-parenting relationship with your former spouse. This involves ongoing communication and cooperation regarding your children’s needs and schedules.
- Dr. Lee H. Baucom, in his material on saving marriages, emphasizes the importance of shifting focus and taking action to improve relationships, even if only one person is initially willing. While his work focuses on preventing divorce, some of the principles about communication and shifting perspectives could be valuable in establishing a more functional co-parenting dynamic. For instance, giving up on arguing and trying to understand the other’s perspective is highlighted as a key strategy in marriage, which could also apply to post-divorce interactions focused on the children.
Financial Implications:
- Families with children that were not poor before the divorce can see their income drop as much as 50 percent.
- Almost 50 percent of the parents with children that are going through a divorce move into poverty after the divorce. These financial changes can directly impact the children’s lives.
In conclusion, divorce proceedings involving children will likely require you to navigate legal complexities related to custody and support, while also prioritizing the emotional well-being of your children and establishing a sustainable co-parenting relationship. Understanding these potential aspects can empower you to approach the process with more informed expectations and advocate effectively for yourself and your children.
It is highly recommended to seek legal counsel from a family law attorney to understand the specific laws and procedures in your jurisdiction and to protect your rights and the best interests of your children.