Rekindle Your “WE”: How Quality Time Can Transform Your Marriage

How can we improve our marriage by spending more quality time together?

Is your marriage feeling a bit distant lately? Do you miss the closeness and connection you once shared? One of the most powerful ways to breathe new life into your relationship is by intentionally spending more quality time together. According to Dr. Lee Baucom, a veteran of marriage therapy, connection is the “lifeblood” of a healthy marriage, and quality time is a primary way to nurture this vital link.

Dr. Baucom’s principles, highlighted in his “Save the Marriage” system, emphasize that a strong marriage is about moving from “You and Me” to a united “WE”. Spending quality time provides the essential space for you to function as a unit, sharing experiences and making decisions that strengthen this “WE”.

Here’s how you can leverage quality time to improve your marriage, drawing from Dr. Baucom’s insights:

• Prioritize Connection: Recognize that connection isn’t automatic; it requires conscious effort. Just as circulation is vital for a body, connection is crucial for the health of your “WE”. Make spending quality time a priority, not an afterthought.
• Act Lovingly: Don’t wait for the feeling of being “in love” to strike; “doing” love fuels loving feelings. Take conscious, loving actions towards your spouse during your quality time. This proactive approach is more effective than passively waiting for emotions to arise.
• Consciously Reconnect: Disconnection often happens unintentionally. Make a deliberate choice to reconnect with your spouse. Quality time offers the perfect opportunity for this conscious reconnection, guiding you back towards being a “WE”.
• Avoid the “Pause Button Marriage”: It’s a common mistake to think you can put your marriage “on pause” while focusing on other life goals. Dr. Baucom stresses that there is no pause button for a marriage; connection either grows or recedes. Investing in quality time ensures continuous growth.
• Make Time for Meaningful Discussions: Quality time allows for conversations that go beyond the everyday logistics. Dr. Baucom notes that couples often spend surprisingly little time in focused conversations about their relationship. Intentionally discuss your hopes, dreams, concerns, and fears to foster deeper understanding and prevent the feeling of “growing apart”. Clear communication takes Time, Intentionality, and Execution (TIE).
• Focus on Giving, Not Just Getting: During your quality time, shift your mindset from “What am I getting out of this?” to “What can I put into this?”. This selfless focus fosters connection and strengthens your “WE”.
• Rediscover What Brought You Together: Use quality time to reminisce about what initially attracted you to each other and how your strengths and weaknesses complement one another. Discussing these aspects can reignite a sense of being a whole unit.
• Make “WE”-Focused Decisions: When you are together, discuss decisions by asking, “What would be best for the relationship?”. This reinforces the idea of your marriage as a real entity and strengthens your “WE”.
• Inject Fun and Playfulness: To re-energize your relationship, incorporate playful activities into your quality time. Shared fun can help rediscover lost passion and connection.
• Reminisce About Your Beginnings: During quality time, talk about how your relationship started. This can reconnect you to the loving feelings you once had and remind you of your relationship’s foundation.
• Practice “Acting As If…”: Even if you don’t immediately feel the desired connection, during your quality time, act as if you do. Engage in the behaviors of a loving and connected couple, which can help those feelings return.
• Give Up on Arguing and Seek Understanding: Instead of trying to “win” during disagreements, use your quality time to understand your spouse’s perspective. Ask “Help me understand how you see it that way?“. Understanding doesn’t equal agreement, but it fosters connection.

By intentionally dedicating time to be together and focusing on actions that nurture your connection and “WE,” you can significantly improve your marriage. Remember that consistent effort is key, and that even if only one partner initiates these changes, the other will be affected. Embrace the journey of personal and relational growth, and watch your marriage flourish.