Finding the Right Help: How to Choose a Marriage Counselor for Your Specific Issues
How do I find a marriage counsellor who can help with our specific issues?
When your marriage faces challenges, seeking help from a qualified counselor can be a crucial step towards healing and growth. However, with so many options available, how do you find a marriage counselor who can truly understand and address your specific issues?
Dr. Lee Baucom, a veteran of marriage therapy and relationship coaching with over 30 years of experience, offers some insightful perspectives that can guide your search. He suggests that while finding a counselor is important, understanding different approaches is key to making the right choice.
Rethinking Traditional Marriage Counseling
Dr. Baucom points out that traditional couple therapy often relies heavily on communication theory, with the underlying assumption that improving communication skills will lead to a healthier relationship. However, he contends that the core problem in many marriages is often misperception rather than just miscommunication. Simply teaching better communication techniques might not address these deeper perceptual issues and could even make couples more efficient at arguing.
Furthermore, Dr. Baucom cites studies suggesting that traditional couple therapy may not be as effective as commonly believed, with divorce rates for couples in therapy being similar to the general population, and only a small percentage reporting significant help. This raises the question of whether the prevailing methods are always the best fit for every couple’s unique struggles.
Dr. Baucom’s Holistic and Action-Oriented Approach
In contrast to a purely communication-focused approach, Dr. Baucom’s “Save the Marriage” system emphasizes understanding the deeper emotional and psychological dynamics at play in a marriage. His methodology encourages a more holistic approach that aims to foster empathy, emotional connection, and long-term commitment, rather than solely focusing on resolving surface-level conflicts.
A significant aspect of Dr. Baucom’s work is the belief that one partner can begin the process of change and lead the marriage toward healing, even if the other partner is initially resistant or disengaged. This is a key difference from traditional counseling, which often requires the active participation of both individuals. His approach also emphasizes the importance of mindset and personal responsibility, encouraging individuals to focus on what they can control – their own behavior, attitudes, and emotional responses – rather than trying to change their partner. He views marriage as a journey of personal and relational growth, where challenges can become opportunities to deepen connection.
What to Consider When Seeking a Marriage Counselor Based on These Insights:
Given Dr. Baucom’s perspective, when looking for a marriage counselor who can help with your specific issues, you might want to explore therapists or coaches who:
- Go beyond basic conflict resolution and communication techniques to delve into the underlying emotional issues, misperceptions, and unmet needs driving your marital problems.
- Understand that change can begin even if only one partner is initially willing to work on the marriage. Inquire about their experience and approach when one spouse is less engaged.
- Emphasize the importance of emotional connection, empathy, and personal growth within the relationship. Look for a counselor who aims to rebuild intimacy and understanding at a deeper level.
- Take a more holistic view of marital problems, considering the various emotional, psychological, and behavioral patterns contributing to the issues.
- Are willing to address potential misperceptions that might be fueling conflict, rather than solely focusing on the content of the arguments.
Exploring Alternative Options
Dr. Baucom himself has extensive experience in this field and has developed numerous resources, including his “Save the Marriage” program, books like How to Save Your Marriage in 3 Simple Steps and Save the Marriage, online programs, podcasts, and coaching. He has also trained many relationship coaches in his principles. Depending on your specific situation and preferences, you might also consider exploring relationship coaching, especially if a more action-oriented and individualized approach resonates with you.
The Importance of Asking Questions
Ultimately, the best way to find a marriage counselor who can help with your specific issues is to inquire about their approach and see if it aligns with your understanding of the problems in your marriage and the kind of help you are seeking. Don’t hesitate to ask potential counselors about their experience with issues similar to yours and their philosophy on how marriages change and heal.
By considering alternative perspectives like those offered by Dr. Baucom, and by actively seeking a counselor whose approach goes beyond surface-level communication fixes to address deeper emotional dynamics, you can increase your chances of finding the right support to navigate your specific marital challenges and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship. Remember, Dr. Baucom emphasizes the importance of moving from a “You and Me” mentality to a “WE“, and the right counselor can help you on that journey.
