Busy Schedules & Relationship Blues? You’re Not Alone!

How can we handle relationships problems caused by our busy schedules?

Life can get incredibly hectic. Between work deadlines, family responsibilities, and personal commitments, it often feels like there’s barely any time left for our romantic relationships. If you’ve noticed your connection with your partner dwindling due to a packed schedule, you’re definitely not alone. The good news, according to Dr. Lee H. Baucom, is that you CAN save your marriage, even if only you want to! [Title of source 1].

One of the most insidious ways busy schedules impact relationships is through neglect. Dr. Baucom points out that more marriages die from neglect than anything else. It’s easy for something as crucial as your marriage to get pushed to the back burner when life gets in the way. This neglect can then lead to growing animosity and disconnection, eventually making one or both partners feel like the marriage has reached its end. Often, one person is caught completely off-guard, not realizing the extent of the problem until their spouse is ready to give up.

So, how can we combat this negative momentum and nurture our relationships amidst busy lives? Here are some insights drawn from Dr. Baucom’s work:

• Recognize the Danger of Procrastination: Many people hope things will simply “work themselves out,” but this rarely happens. It is critical to start the process of saving your marriage now, before things spiral into a place that is truly irreparable. Don’t wait for more free time to magically appear; take action with the time you have.
  
• Prioritize Intentional Connection: Research suggests couples spend an average of less than 4 minutes per day talking about issues that don’t include schedules and kids. Make a conscious effort to carve out time for meaningful conversations that focus on your relationship itself. This could be a few minutes each evening or a scheduled date night, even if it’s just at home. Dr. Baucom emphasizes that relationships cannot prosper on minimal interaction.
  
• Shift from “You & Me” to “WE”: When schedules are tight, it’s easy to focus on individual needs and what each person is (or isn’t) getting from the relationship. However, successful marriages move towards a “WE” mentality. Try to make decisions based on what is good for the relationship as a whole. Asking yourself, “What would be best for the relationship?” can be a powerful way to navigate conflicts and make choices that strengthen your bond.
  
• Practice “Right Action”: This involves relating in intentionally healthy ways, balancing your needs with your partner’s and the needs of the “WE”. Sometimes, this means taking action that feels loving even when you don’t emotionally feel it, as acting a certain way can actually make you feel a certain way.
  
• Change the Negative Momentum: Busy schedules can create a downward spiral of less connection, more distance, and growing dissatisfaction. A change in momentum begins with a shift in the relationship, and that shift can happen with only one person making a shift in perception. Start by consciously looking for the good in your partner and your relationship.
  
• Focus on Showing Love Through Action: Instead of constantly questioning your feelings (“Am I still in love?”), focus on how you can show love to your spouse. Discover how your partner best feels loved. Is it through words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, physical touch, or gifts? Make a deliberate effort to express your love in ways that resonate with them.
  
• Embrace “High Mood Relating”: When you do have time to connect, try to approach it from a positive perspective, focusing on options and possibilities rather than just dwelling on the problems caused by the busy schedule. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong?”, try asking, “What are our options? What is possible here?”.
  
• Be Present in Your Interactions: Even short moments of connection can be powerful if you are truly present. When you are having a conversation, truly listen to what the other person is saying, rather than just thinking about your response.
  

It’s crucial to understand that no marriage crisis appears overnight. It’s often the accumulation of small moments of neglect that lead to significant problems. By being proactive, prioritizing intentional connection, and focusing on actions that nurture your “WE,” you can effectively handle the relationship challenges that busy schedules can create and move towards the marriage relationship of your dreams.