Too Busy to Connect? How to Save Your Marriage When Life Gets in the Way

How can I save your marriage when we’re both too busy to connect?

Life can get overwhelming. Between work, kids, and daily responsibilities, it’s easy for the precious connection you once shared with your spouse to feel like a distant memory. You might be asking yourself, “How can I save my marriage when we’re both too busy to even connect?” If this resonates with you, know that you are not alone, and more importantly, it is possible to reignite that spark, even amidst a hectic schedule.

The excerpts from Dr. Lee H. Baucom’s “Save The Marriage” materials offer some insightful guidance for navigating this common marital challenge. One of the stark realities highlighted is that more marriages die from neglect than anything else. It’s not usually a dramatic event, but rather a slow erosion as life gets in the way and the relationship gets ignored. Strangely, despite most people ranking their marriage as a top priority, research suggests that couples spend an average of less than 4 minutes per day talking about issues that do not include schedules and the kids. Does that sound familiar?

This lack of attention eats away at the relationship, slowly eroding your capacity to form a substantial connection. From there, disconnection opens the potential for further crises. However, Dr. Baucom emphasizes that anyone is capable of transforming their relationship, even when only one person is trying.

So, what can you do when you feel like you and your spouse are ships passing in the night? Here are some strategies drawn from the sources:

• Acknowledge the Danger of Neglect and Prioritize: Recognize that the “busy” trap is a significant threat to your marriage. Make a conscious decision to prioritize reconnecting, even in small ways. As Dr. Baucom states, “If you do not take action, the negative momentum of the relationship moves against you and before you know it, the relationship is too far gone”.
  
• Focus on Intentional “Micro-Moments” of Connection: While you might not have hours for deep conversations, make the most of the small pockets of time you do have. Dr. Baucom points out that the average couple spends very little time in meaningful conversation. Make a conscious effort to be intentional during those brief moments – perhaps a focused conversation for 5-10 minutes before bed (excluding logistics!), a heartfelt check-in during a shared commute, or simply a genuine hug and acknowledgment when you pass each other. “Relationships cannot prosper on 3 ½ minutes per day. So, one important factor is making time to have discussions with a spouse. This is an important priority for a couple to make”.
  
• Embrace “Right Action” Even Without the Feeling: Sometimes, waiting for the “right” emotional moment to connect will mean never connecting at all. Dr. Baucom introduces the concept of “Right Action,” which is about relating in intentionally healthy ways, even if you don’t immediately feel like it. “Sometimes, Right Action calls us to move toward each other, even when we do not feel like it”. This could be a small act of service, a kind word, or an offer of help, even when you’re feeling stretched thin. Acting lovingly can actually lead to feeling more loving.
  
• Shift Your Perception: Instead of viewing your spouse as another source of stress or a problem to be solved amidst your busy life, try to shift your perspective. Dr. Baucom emphasizes the importance of “Accurate Perception,” which involves understanding your spouse’s worldview. Even a small effort to see things from their perspective can foster understanding and connection.
  
• Start Small to Change the Momentum: Don’t feel like you need to overhaul your entire schedule overnight. Dr. Baucom explains that momentum works in both directions. “A change in momentum begins with a shift in the relationship. And that relationship shift can happen with only one person making a shift in perception”. Even small, consistent positive changes can begin to create an upward cycle.
  
• Consider the “WE” Over “Me”: Dr. Baucom introduces the idea of moving from a “You & Me” mindset to a “WE” mindset. When making decisions, even small daily ones, try to consider what is good for the relationship. This can foster a stronger sense of teamwork and shared purpose, even when time is limited.
  
• Explore Available Resources: If you’re serious about saving your marriage, even with a busy schedule, consider exploring resources like “The Save The Marriage SYSTEM” mentioned by Dr. Baucom. This system is designed to provide a step-by-step guide to recovery, even if only one spouse is initially on board.
  

It’s crucial to remember that no marriage crisis appears overnight; rather, the crisis builds slowly over time. Similarly, rebuilding connection takes time and consistent effort, even in small increments. Don’t let a busy schedule become an insurmountable barrier. By prioritizing your relationship, focusing on intentional moments, taking “Right Action,” and shifting your perspective, you can begin to save your marriage, one small connection at a time. The time for action is now!